Getting My &*#@ Together Series: USE – YOUR – WORDS




I keep saying this week’s blog post is going to be about routine and its importance, but judging from the sporadic release of these blogs, I don’t think I’m the beacon of hope for sharing my thoughts on the subject. I figured we could just put that off until a later date while I literally get my s__ together –

I told you this is a process.

So this week, I’m focusing on what I have become quite good at over the years:



You like a man?

Tell him.


Do you feel uncomfortable?

Say it!


Feel like you’re being overlooked for that position at work?

Tell them you’re interested.


When we learn how to live our truth and then work through the process of putting words to it, we eliminate the guess work.

Relationships: If a man knows you like him, you put the ball in his court on how to move forward. It eliminates the ambiguity about the nature of the relationship by opening a dialogue and letting him know exactly where you stand. What he does with that information is up to him. But you can then listen to his thoughts on the subject, pay attention to his actions, and be able to react accordingly when they do or don’t match up with your clearly stated intentions.

Comfort: It doesn’t matter if you’re at someone’s house and they’re doing some wierdo/creeper sh__ or out in public and someone is doing something you don’t like, make it known that you’re uncomfortable with a situation and move accordingly. Most times, just saying it out loud will put a stop to whatever is going on. When it doesn’t stop, you can then politely gather your things, say goodbye, and give everyone the back of your head. NEVER, EVER allow yourself to stay in a situation that makes you feel uncomfortable, even the slightest bit.

Work: Whether they choose you or not, put your hat in the ring for that position you want. I’ve seen far too many people passed over for jobs I know they would have gotten if they’d just spoken up. So, tell them why you want that job, how you’ll be a good fit, and what you’ll bring to the table. After that, it’s up to them. While this doesn’t guarantee you’ll get the job, you put your desires into the atmosphere. If they decide to go with another candidate, see bullet one “Relationships” and react accordingly.

Find your truth, live your truth, SPEAK your truth, folks.

Until next time, be kind to yourself.

Love and light,




Love: Hang Gliding and Watching TV

Love …

Relationships …

“Situationships” …

Whatever we decide to call it, we can’t deny it’s the most puzzling dynamic between two people. It’s been written about since “man” first put pen to paper and the topic never gets old.

I mean, you “find” a person and soon make the determination that you can tolerate them enough to hang out with them (and of course, hanging out can mean anything from watching TV to hang-gliding together). A couple of weeks go by; maybe a couple of months and you start to think to yourself, “This person doesn’t annoy me as much as other people do. I think I want to hang out with them some more.”

So you do.

And along the way, while you’re taking in the hang-gliding views or watching the  14th episode of some crappy TV show, you talk.

Then you talk some more.

And as you talk, the things this person tells you about themselves aren’t so bad, so you decide you’re going to talk too. Before you know it, the two of you are watching TV and hang-gliding, and telling stories about old girlfriends or college days or whatever the heck two people talk about when they are falling in love.

More time goes by and everything is still swell; just fantastic.

You blush when you talk about them and smile when you think about them. You, my friend, are officially in love.

Then one day, they share something with you that you don’t like.

… Or maybe they poke you in one of your pet peeves …

… Or maybe it was a rough day at work or with the kids …

… And just a little, tiny bit of that love varnish comes off.

It can be a week from the time you first felt those feelings, or a month, or a year …

… But the heavenly light that used to shine down on that person when you looked at then is dimmed slightly. And the person you “love” starts to poke at your patience or climb all over your cool. Then that love, that love that made you feel so warm and wanted feels like a burden, an obligation; something you have to do or attend to before you can relax at night.

Or maybe … just maybe, that’s just me.

Maybe I’m just hang-gliding through the talking and sharing; late nights and good sex; bad days and binge watching … and I’m simply still just looking for a place to land.

Do You Choose to Love?

black love

Photo Credit:


There is love and then there is love.

The word is the same, but two very distinct and individual experiences, as the depth of love is limitless.

You meet a boy or a girl or whatever your heart desires.

You spend hours talking.

You learn their likes and dislikes; what makes them laugh; what makes them sad.

You go out to the movies and dinner.

You blush when they whisper in your ear how much you mean to them.

Your breathing quickens when they touch you.

You make love.

You love them.

They love you.

It’s not an oversimplification of the process by which two people become connected, but the sequence of events (give or take a few artistic liberties) that unfolds between two people on the journey.

It’s beautifully intimate; lying in your lover’s arms and wishing you could hold on to that feeling forever.

But then there’s love; the love where you have to make a conscious decision to continue to be connected to another person. Because while we may yearn to hold on to the feeling of being in their arms forever, it fades.

It fades when you get up and real life does its spastic “fuck you” dance on your face every day. There’s the pressures of work, the stress of school, the mental baggage from childhood and previous relationships, the responsibility of being a parent, and the never ending list of things we all must do to function in day to day life. Most couples I know that have called it quits often point to the real world creeping in on the peace they created with each other. And it is at this point when you have to make that conscious decision to continue to love.

When faced with betrayal, hurt, anger (even over the smallest of issues), it’s difficult to think back to that person who made your heart race with just a kiss. The matter in which we try to chase this faded memory is when we experience what it’s like to decide to pursue true love.

For some, the pursuit is made with others; moving from one person to the next, spending a lifetime chasing … love.

For others, those who are strong enough to look into themselves and the person that pushed their heart to its capacity, they choose to … love.